


Cold and Silent

by King_Richard_IV



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Super Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2624021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King_Richard_IV/pseuds/King_Richard_IV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo speaks to Thorin on his death bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold and Silent

**Author's Note:**

> After the Battle of the Five Armies Bilbo went back to the shire. But unknown to him Bolg had survived and followed him home.

Thorin sat on the porch of Bag End and looked out upon the decimated land that was once the shire. The grass was still green but trampled and torn from the fighting. The smials and trees were broken and sagging and some were completely burnt to the ground. Although the great tree above bag end was now in ashes the house it sat above was in good shape.

 

Thorin was brought out if his thoughts when the front door opened next to him. Kili poked his out and looked around his eyes falling on Thorin drawn out face.

 

"Uncle, he wants to talk to you." Kili whispered over the dead silence of the now empty shire.

 

"Wh- why would he want to speak to me?" Thorin spoke softly and turned his head from Kili to hide his sorrow.

 

"Uncle, Bilbo's dying. He said he can feel he won't last the night."

 

"I--" Thorin stammered, "yes-- I'll go in." He stood and Kili opened the fully to let him in.

 

When Thorin left Bag End three years ago it had been bright, comforting and lovely. He never could imagine it any other way, but he didn't need his mind any longer. Bilbo's home no longer smelt of freshly baked bread and ale, no longer did it shine with the love and clutter of a hobbit who seemed to never leave its halls. No. Bag End had changed since Thorin last saw it. It stunk of sweat, blood and piss; Bilbo had given his home to the sick and injured. Of course he did that, Thorin thought, Of course Bilbo would help everyone who needed it and thought of himself last while he himself was out fighting Bolg and his minions.

 

"Uncle?"

 

"Where is he Kili?" Thorin whispered.

 

"Down in his room." Kili lead him down the hall and past the dining room; it's table bloody and windows shattered. Past the dining room Fili and Bofur were sitting outside of Bilbo's room on a long bench. Kili lightly knocked on the door and a muffled "Come in" was heard through the door. Kili opened the door and then joined his brother on the bench.

 

Thorin was hesitant with his steps into Bilbo's room. They hadn't spoke or seen each other since- well since when Thorin banished him. Thorin was still lingering in the doorway when Bilbo spake again.

 

"Please come in Thorin, I really do want to speak to you." Bilbo softly said with a sad smile. Thorin now lifted his head that he didn't realize he was forcing down and saw the state that his h-friend was in. Bilbo was pale and bandaged all over; but the worst thing that sat unwelcome in Thorin's view was the lack of Bilbo's left arm. Oin had said early that the removal was necessary. Thorin had reached the bed now but had yet to sit in the chair provided.

 

"Do you not wish to sit, oh King under the mountain?" Bilbo said with the same sad smile.

 

"Please don't use my title, Thorin is more than alright. And I do not wish to sit because I do not wish to overstay my welcome." Thorin spoke quickly and quietly, eyes not leaving the absence of Bilbo's arm.

 

"I will call you by your name when you actually look at me you big oaf." Bilbo chuckled and swatted Thorin's leg with his only hand. Thorin lifted his gaze to the hazel eyes he thought he would never see again. They were somehow still filled with the same cheer and love that Bilbo had before despite the events of recent years. Thorin froze when he felt Bilbo's hand grasp his own.

 

"Thorin, please sit." Bilbo said and with a surprising amount of force of his single arm he got Thorin to sit on the edge of the bed. Eyes not leaving Bilbo's own Thorin spoke softly.

 

"I don't know how you can even stand to be in the room as me let alone touch me after the horrid way I treated you."

 

"That is what I wish to speak of." Bilbo said and Thorin's eyes fluttered and dropped down to look and their hands in close proximity. "Not of what you did, but how I feel about you." And with that statement Thorin closed his eyes. "Because I cannot leave this world knowing I didn't let you know how much I still love you." Thorin at a lack words just opened his eyes and continued to stare at their hands that were just an inch apart.

 

"Thorin? Did you hear what I said?"

 

"..yes.." Thorin said almost inaudibly. Too many thoughts were rushing through his head to even focus on one long enough to say it. Love? Who would ever love me? How could Bilbo love after what I had done to him? How could I have hurt Bilbo, when all he has ever shown me is love? He always put others first and allowed himself pain meant for others. I am not worthy of such a noble love, especially after my behavior at Erebor. Why would he-

 

“Thorin, please say something.” Bilbo’s eyes were full of concern and he grabbed Thorin’s hands in his solitary bruised hand.

 

“H-how can I?” Thorin lifted his teary eyes to look at Bilbo. “Everything that I have done in my life has separated me from you. I thi- I think if I speak any further I will make the tear between us even worse.” Shaking tears from his face Thorin turned his head from Bilbo in shame.

 

“Oh, Thorin,” Bilbo removed his hand from Thorin’s own and brought it to the tear streaked face that did not dare to look at him. “We may have been separated in this world, but never in my heart. But look where you are now!” Bilbo gave a small chuckle and turned Thorin’s face to stare at him. “You are next to me when I needed it most and that surely counts for something.”

 

“It- it does, but what of the time I have wasted being stubborn and ignorant of your love? I threw those chances away when I was given them!” Thorin said in a small yell. “The time we could have had together will now never happen and all because of my stupid pride!” Thorin was sobbing now but he never took his eyes off Bilbo’s face. He couldn’t.

 

“I know both of our actions were hasty and misguided bu-”

 

“No! I’m to blame for every pain you’ve endured these last few years. I have hurt your body and your soul, and now I realize all that I've done wrong. I got you involved in the horror that has plagued my life and then I left you alone. Then worse than that, in my weakness I let Bolg get away from me and my armies. If I didn't let him out of my grasp, you wouldn’t be here on your deathbed pledging your love to someone who in no world could ever deserve it.” Thorin had moved past crying for Bilbo and the life they could’ve had together, his anger and hatred at himself had reared it ugly head.

 

“Tho-Thorin! Calm down!” Bilbo had grabbed one of Thorin’s hands and rested it on his own broken and bandaged chest. It seemed to shake Thorin out of his small rage and stilled him enough to see the concern in Bilbo. “ You cannot blame this on- No you are going to let me speak. You cannot blame this on yourself. I followed you on your quest to reclaim Erebor. You never made me do that, and I had many opportunities to turn around but I never did. And you cannot blame yourself for the actions of others especially those of an orc.”

 

Thorin had silently returned to crying, but again he could not let his gaze leave Bilbo’s face. He promised himself that Bilbo would never leave his sight again.

 

“I loved you since you poked your head in my doorway. I loved you every moment on our journey together, even the less memorable ones. I love you till this day because- well I don’t know why, but I much don’t care. And even after I die I will continue to love you. Please live for me. Please, love, live the life we could’ve had together. I really would like that.”

 

“I’m not sure I can do that for you Bilbo. I’m sure I would fail in it, like everything before.”

 

“You are not a failure Thorin Oakenshield. You have never been nor ever will be one. You were a beacon of light for your people when they had none, a father to your nephews and you managed to take back your home in roughly one piece. You even managed to dig your way into my little heart.”

 

“Even with what you said, I still don’t know if I can leave this room knowing that I will live a life without you in the way we should had it. I would have married you in Erebor even before anything was settled but I was

blind to your affection.” Thorin spoke as he brought and held Bilbo’s hand to his cheek.

 

“We don’t need someone to tell us that we're bond to each other. Do you love me, Thorin?”

 

“Yes, more than anything.” Thorin looked at Bilbo with red tired eyes.

 

“Then you are a good husband indeed, for I love you too. Now come here.” Bilbo was somehow cheery as he dragged Thorin down to his mouth for a long tearful kiss. They separated slowly and looked at one another longingly. Thorin fell next Bilbo on the bed and sobbed into his shoulder. Bilbo hummed softly and dragged his hand through Thorin’s messy hair. It was after Bilbo finished his second song that Thorin raised his head spoke.

 

“I’m not sure I can truly live without you.”

 

“I would not fault for that.” Bilbo said with a small smile. “It would be truly hard to live without you. But you are strong and I would like you to try. Even if you do not make it off this bed I would honestly consider that a great accomplishment. Even If you don’t make it after I pass I will not think you worse for it. For I’ve been told that living without your love can be the hardest thing to do. But I would like you to try for me. I want you to be happy with your sister and your nephews. I want you to celebrate with the company when they have joy and triumph. Because you deserve happiness in this life Thorin Oakenshield, you really do.”

  
After that they did not speak much, they just held each other close and listened to each other breathe. Thorin held onto consciousness for as long as he was able. He succumbed to sleep with his arms surrounding Bilbo. In the morning it was cold and silent.


End file.
